WHAT WE NEED DURING GRIEF
Dr. Ani Kalayjian

Our joys, when extended, will always increase, & grief, when divided, is hushed into peace!
–Anonymous–

1. ACCEPTING: Recognize and accept that which you cannot change.

2. MOURNING: It’s healthier to do your mourning now – don’t hold back the tears.

3. CARING: Accept expressions of caring from others, and care for yourself.

4. GIVING YOUSELF TIME: Give yourself time alone as well as with others whom you trust and in whom you find comfort.

5. CRYING: Acknowledge the pain and cry. It is necessary to cry as soon as you can and for as long as you feel you need to. Remember, men cry too.

6. RECOGNIZING THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE: It may feel as though you are alone, but you are not alone. Connect with others to share and ease the pain.

7. RESTING, RELAXING, EXERCISING, NOURISHING: You may need extra amounts of rest and relaxation to replenish yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

8. STICKING TO YOUR SCHEDULE: Try not to add new and difficult situations to your life. Maintain your routine as much as possible, and keep decision-making to a minimum.

9. REAFFIRMING YOUR BELIEFS: Reaffirm your belief in life, in yourself, in others, and especially in the loved one who has transitioned.

10. HOPING: Keep hope alive. Seek those who help you reestablish hope.

11. VALUING SMALL PLEASURES: Do not underestimate the importance of little things such as walking in a park or in the snow, watching sunsets or sunrises, smelling a rose, etc.

12. PERFORMING YOUR RITUALS: Perform the rituals that exist in your belief system. Engaging in rituals will help you process the pain and help you heal by changing your relationship with the object of loss.

13. IDENTIFYING HARD DAYS: Remember that Sundays, holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries are difficult times – surround yourself with loved ones.

14. AVOIDING DRUGS, ALCOHOL, and SLEEPING MEDICATIONS: Substances may prolong and delay the grieving process, plus inflame the wound.

15. INFORMING PEOPLE OF YOUR LOSS: Grieving can make it harder to concentrate, focus, make decisions, etc. People around you need to know about your loss. “Shared sorrow is half sorrow, while shared joy is double joy.”

16. PERMITTING YOURSELF TO BACKSLIDE: There is no set formula for grieving. After feeling good for a while, you might find yourself angry, sad, and in despair all over again. This is OK, just continue processing and healing.

17. REAFFIRMING YOUR GOALS: You might find it difficult to pursue your goals, since they will loose their potency. Focus on one little step, one foot at a time.

18. BEING GENTLE WITH THYSELF: Remember that grieving and mourning is hard work, so be gentle with yourself and pamper yourself.

19. CELEBRATING YOUR LOSS: Celebrate the life and achievements of your deceased loved one through rituals, commemorations, and anniversaries.

20. DISCOVER A POSITIVE MEANING IN YOUR LOSS: As per V. Frankl, find a positive lesson in your experience of loss – something you learned about yourself.